when you're gone
so i guess he gave me more than three strikes:) i checked my phone once again yesterday after work only to discover that the marine had tried calling me three times. it had been making me feel worse and worse every time i saw a new missed call from him. i couldnt imagine what he was thinking-probably that i was ignoring him. an automated response that i got this morning from an email i sent to him last night was that he was not going to be using that address for the next 6 weeks. my heart sank. maybe he was trying to call so much because he wouldnt be able to get in touch with me soon.
while wallowing in my despair this afternoon however, my phone magically rang. it was HIM! i couldnt have been more excited. my hello was greeted with a husky, "well you're a very hard person to get a hold of." you have no idea how great it was to hear his voice. and i know its corny, but it brought tears to my eyes to be able to talk to him. i didnt realize how much i miss him until now. yes ive been thinking about him a lot, but this was different. i was also extremely relieved that he kept trying to call and i was finally available when he called. we talked for about 20 minutes before his calling card died, but with a promise that he would call again soon. he just has this way of making me feel special every time i talk to him. that although im sure he keeps in touch with a multitude of people, i always feel that im important to him. hes away fighting a war yet he thinks of asking how i'm doing and cares about the answer. and im sure you're all asking why im just realizing this now? im asking myself the same question.
as much as i keep telling myself not to, i feel myself getting my hopes up. why? not so sure. yes im extremely happy, excited, touched-all of the above-that he has continued to keep in touch and think of me while hes away. but the other part of me realizes that hes out of the country until may. and with much disappointment i learned today that he might have to go back later this year for a second deployment. even my parents are excited over the news that i got to talk to him, but i found myself arguing with my mom tonight about how i cant get too excited now, or keep my hopes up for something that may never happen, or if so, not for a few years. and whos to say when i get to see him next and perhaps he feels the same that i dont go running in the opposite direction like i always have? i dont know. or it could just be thats hes a constant in my life at the moment when everything else seems to be up in the air.
so far away from where you are
these miles have torn us worlds apart
and i miss you
yeah i miss you.
[Lifehouse]
while wallowing in my despair this afternoon however, my phone magically rang. it was HIM! i couldnt have been more excited. my hello was greeted with a husky, "well you're a very hard person to get a hold of." you have no idea how great it was to hear his voice. and i know its corny, but it brought tears to my eyes to be able to talk to him. i didnt realize how much i miss him until now. yes ive been thinking about him a lot, but this was different. i was also extremely relieved that he kept trying to call and i was finally available when he called. we talked for about 20 minutes before his calling card died, but with a promise that he would call again soon. he just has this way of making me feel special every time i talk to him. that although im sure he keeps in touch with a multitude of people, i always feel that im important to him. hes away fighting a war yet he thinks of asking how i'm doing and cares about the answer. and im sure you're all asking why im just realizing this now? im asking myself the same question.
as much as i keep telling myself not to, i feel myself getting my hopes up. why? not so sure. yes im extremely happy, excited, touched-all of the above-that he has continued to keep in touch and think of me while hes away. but the other part of me realizes that hes out of the country until may. and with much disappointment i learned today that he might have to go back later this year for a second deployment. even my parents are excited over the news that i got to talk to him, but i found myself arguing with my mom tonight about how i cant get too excited now, or keep my hopes up for something that may never happen, or if so, not for a few years. and whos to say when i get to see him next and perhaps he feels the same that i dont go running in the opposite direction like i always have? i dont know. or it could just be thats hes a constant in my life at the moment when everything else seems to be up in the air.
so far away from where you are
these miles have torn us worlds apart
and i miss you
yeah i miss you.
[Lifehouse]
posted by we're all a little weird @ 1:05 AM
2 Comments:
At January 11, 2008 at 10:37 AM ,
Lpeg said...
I love it when you post. They're written so well that I feel like I get a much better picture of what you are thinking, because, lets face it, you are hard to read sometimes :)
I'm glad he called. I'd say just take it day by day and see what happens. Don't let mom pressure you. I hate to say it, but sometimes not sharing with her makes it easier - she won't be able to input her opinion that way and make you feel worse/better, depending on what she thinks.
I'll see you soon :)
At January 11, 2008 at 10:43 AM ,
Lpeg said...
ps. you should read 'hope dies last' it's in my blogroll.. she just had an amazing post, and I think you'll relate... i think we can all relate...
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