Venting

im so annoyed. so this post may make me seem like a complete bitch. but whatever. i dont think anyone reads it anyways.

being as its finals week, im already stressed. one of my close friends from college who graduated last year and just recently moved far away wants to come visit this week. i told her it was finals week and i would have some studying to do, but she said she could visit other people while im studying, so i said sure. adding to this, she then asked if she could stay until i go home, and get a ride back with me. seeing as i sort of go by her old hometown, its not too far out of the way, but the fact that she assumes this is all fine really irks me. and i had planned on hanging out with some friends before i left since i wont see them for awhile, but this friend doesnt necessarily get along with some of my other friends, so it makes hanging out all together not such a great idea. so i have to change my plans. now i just got a call from her asking if i can meet her mom halfway tomorrow to pick her up seeing as she doesnt have a car while shes visiting. i want to say NO! this week is bad timing to begin with nevermind having to drive to come pick you up! but i cant. i feel mean and that she'll be mad if i say no. i know to some, this probably doesnt seem like such a problem and i shouldnt be annoyed. but seriously. its too stressful at the moment. i havent seen her in forever, so its not that i dont want to see her. i do. its just bad timing. and she doesnt seem to get that.

on top of things, i got ditched last night. theres this guy who i became very fast friends with my freshman year, and also developed a very serious attraction for him. unlucky for me, he had a very serious girlfriend. we hung out every day. which was great and not so great since i liked him so much. we had a very close friendship and i loved every minute of it-except the gf part. there was always lots of flirting and sexual tension as well, although never acted on (minus one very drunk night on my part basically throwing myself at him-which he refused). there is just something about him that i find myself very attracted to and i have held a flame for him ever since we met. i dont know if i want to use the word love, but i have never felt so strongly about anyone, i dont know how else to describe it. ive liked others since him, but hes always been there. it got easier sophmore year when he moved off campus and i didnt see him everyday, but to this day everytime i see him, the feelings come flooding back. well assimus is taking over his room at his apartment since hes moving out, so ive seen him a few times this past week or so. monday we went over so she could finalize things with him and he mentioned a party last night that he was going to, and wanted me to go to. hes invited me before, but i usually chicken out because i dont like going by myself. he knew that i might, so he offered to actually pick me up for the party, which was a first. i stupidly got excited. last night rolls around and i dont hear from him. i wasnt all that surprised, but it still hurt, more than i care to admit.

and im lonely. ive been sitting in my apartment by myself either studying or trying to pass the time. i need more friends. i dont like being alone. i know i shouldnt rely on others to be happy, but i find myself doing that a lot. which makes it even worse that im complaining about my friend coming to visit. i should be excited to have company. so then i just feel guilty for being annoyed at her coming. ugh.

oh and the dog owner? havent heard from him since last weekend. turns out i was just available when he needed the favor, but i was no longer needed after that, so why talk to me? right. makes sense.

and is it really necessary for me to smell every meal that the people living downstairs make?? especially when its not a very appealing aroma.

add up all these things and im just stressed and hurt and annoyed-equaling not a very happy me. so whatever. call me a bitch. i dont really care at the moment.