im scared but thats not the same as being afraid
so last night in one of my classes i had to take the practice NCLEX exam. for those of you that dont know, the NCLEX is an exam i take after graduation to become a nurse. if i dont pass it, i dont become a nurse. a tad stressful? yes i'd say so-to me anyways. i dont like change.at all.period. the fact that graduation is coming in about 6 months freaks the hell out of me, and even more so that i cant slow it from coming.
i dont know what i want to do after graduation. obviously with my career choice i will have a job most likely. but where? where to move to, and who to move in with-cause god knows i cant live by myself. ive practically done that for the past 3 years and its not so great. i know these seem to be small and sometimes exciting decisions for most other people, but i feel mini panic attacks everytime graduation is brought up. ive built this comfort zone around me and lived within it for the past few years, ive created a routine and made friends and created this buffer, which has allowed everything to stay the same-just how i like it. once May comes, i lose control, and thats not a feeling i enjoy. im scared of losing the close circle of friends i have. i know im not "losing" them, but in all reality, those friendships will change, and like i said...change=fear. i fear the unknown, which i understand can be exciting and great, but what if it isnt? i realize most people reading this will wonder why im having such an issue, and would love the opportunities i have available at the moment..which are pretty much anything i want. and its still 6 months away. i have time. it just seems to be slowly closing in. and i dont know how to stop it.
i dont know what i want to do after graduation. obviously with my career choice i will have a job most likely. but where? where to move to, and who to move in with-cause god knows i cant live by myself. ive practically done that for the past 3 years and its not so great. i know these seem to be small and sometimes exciting decisions for most other people, but i feel mini panic attacks everytime graduation is brought up. ive built this comfort zone around me and lived within it for the past few years, ive created a routine and made friends and created this buffer, which has allowed everything to stay the same-just how i like it. once May comes, i lose control, and thats not a feeling i enjoy. im scared of losing the close circle of friends i have. i know im not "losing" them, but in all reality, those friendships will change, and like i said...change=fear. i fear the unknown, which i understand can be exciting and great, but what if it isnt? i realize most people reading this will wonder why im having such an issue, and would love the opportunities i have available at the moment..which are pretty much anything i want. and its still 6 months away. i have time. it just seems to be slowly closing in. and i dont know how to stop it.
posted by we're all a little weird @ 4:19 PM
1 Comments:
At November 7, 2007 at 12:09 PM ,
Lpeg said...
So how did the exam go? Was it as hard as you imagined? Don't worry so much about the future... you have plenty of options available, and even if you can't decide you know mum & dad will open their doors very willingly and wait until you decide what you want to do. Don't stress so much though... you have always made good decisions. Just think of what YOU really want to do, and find a way to make it happen. Sometimes the scariest decisions can be the best ones. And if you want to talk, you know the number :)
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