what if you

so finals are over. YAY! my last nursing final was yesterday morning then i had to rush back to my apartment and pack to head home for break. my plan was to relax and stay one more night but with the storm coming i had to leave early.

as much as i was annoyed, i ended up having a pretty good time with my friend that came to visit. the weather sucked for the ride back from picking her up however. and trying to study with someone always around was a tad difficult. i probably didnt study enough for my final on saturday, but oh well. we had a good time. i dropped her off on my way home then met my mom for dinner and picked up some supplies since we were snowed in all day today.

being home is weird. ive come to that point where it doesnt exactly feel like home anymore. my apartment at school feels more like home than here, and when i come here its just for a visit. my room hasnt changed or anything, but the feeling definitely has. im not sure if i was ready for that. i go back to work tomorrow-back to the place ive worked since i was 16. its not the greatest but the people are nice and i need some money. plus it will keep me busy over vacation.

only one semester stands between me and graduation. very scary thought. and this semester flew by way faster than i planned/liked. i wish there was a pause button for this break. if i could stall for just a little bit, it would be perfect. i need to make actual concrete decisions this break (which will be encouraged and pushed along by my parents.) i had made a goal for myself that i would start planning my after graduation plans this break. never thought it would come so fast. im not anywhere closer to any decision than i was at the beginning of this year. it all comes down to the fact that im scared of making the wrong choices. however im not sure how many choices i actually have at the moment. we shall see i guess.

things are changing with assimus and her bf as well. shes finally got her own place-very exciting-and her bf is staying there with her as well. however theyve only had this place for about a week and i already feel as though we're drifting. i saw them less than normal-ok. a lot less. and a months break isnt going to help that fact i dont think. we havent made any plans to see each other over break, and truthfully i dont see it happening. maybe its good practice for graduation when i leave and they stay and we go weeks without seeing each other. but it still sucks now.

i also havent heard back from the marine. i responded to his email last week when i got it and have been patiently (ok.impatiently) waiting. i know its going to be hard to try to keep in touch with him. because its so random when he can actually access a phone or computer i should stop expecting things so that when i do hear from him its even better. however since he called last week ive found myself thinking about him a lot more. to the point where i got home and dug for a picture i knew i had somewhere of us from high school. its the only picture i have of us together. i found it eventually but now im at a loss as to what to do with it. my mom asked me last night if i would ever date him. an immediate nod came out of nowhere. would i really? of course is my initial thought. then i wonder if i just think that because he is so far away for so long. if he was standing in front of me now would i still think the same thing? i would like to think so. amazing time for me to figure this all out now-after he just left for 9 months. its all just a waiting game for now i guess. but i can say for sure that i miss him a lot and his face has taken up residence in my head.