in my head

"hope for the best but prepare for the worst," she said to me as we ended our conversation. she knows me too well. of course my hopes are up although i've only been talking to him for 2 weeks. and they continued to rise throughout the night and next morning as we spent time together.

"just please don't run away from this one this time," my mom said to me before i left to go out that night. it was as though she was pleading with me to stay fixed in my current thought process, knowing all too well that at any given moment i would dart in the opposite direction-with no warning.

later that night it was an internal struggle as i watched him and began to nit-pick his habits that i may find annoying in the future. could i really be with someone who does that? and wow that is completely nerdy, why am i even interested? of course im interested! i couldnt stop the incesant smiling and butterflies the previous week. why am i second guessing my feelings now? it was like an arguement between good and evil going on in my head. stop it. stop over-analyzing your emotions...but perhaps hes not who i was hoping he would be.no hes not... JUSTSTOPIT!

"you've caused yourself to remain single all this time, i hope you realize," my friend blatantly stated as i described what had gone on that night. shes right. of course i have. constantly backing myself out of possible relationships because of; what? fear? who the hell knows. i think its a step in the right direction that ive finally acknowledged it and attempted to put an end to it. but where does this leave me now? waiting for that phone call that might/might not come? rather than feel rejected, perhaps i flee before i allow myself to truely fall. because if i do? i could be left standing alone to pick up the pieces.