dream big
dream big.
two simple words that might not seem like much, but they are spoken to me by a friend almost every night before i go to bed. one night when i was feeling down, she said these two words and they made a huge difference. if only those two words could retrieve as much meaning as they did then.
i know ive exhausted the-im graduating soon and scared to death-topic. but hey. whats one more entry right? today during my first class we had a discussion, and i, being shy, never say peep during class unless asked. ok, pretty much forced. but today? i couldnt even think of anything legitimate to add to the conversation. i felt---inadequate. i couldnt even come up with simple nursing answers? how am i ever going to be a nurse? and a good one at that. then later as im working on practice NCLEX questions in the library, the inadequacies continued to flaunt themselves and mock me. i could feel my stress level increasing by each.word.in.every.question.
im going to FAIL. of course that is my immediate, and yes i admit, irrational thought. failing is a possibility, but i cant start thinking that now! i rushed home and made a to-do list of all the work i need to get started on. anddd it didnt help. it possibly increased my stress level.
and to top it all off? graduation is less than a mere 100 days from now. of course it sounds like a lot to those who have no deadline steadily approaching. i havent applied for a job yet. i havent decided where i want to move. that decision is slowing making progress but emphasis on the slowly. i feel like im swimming and constantly trying to keep my head above water, but its getting harder to see the other side and im getting tired. im tired of not knowing what i want to do. im tired of being scared of making an actual decision that-oh my-might change my life for the better. im tired of spending a majority of my last semester in college alone in my apartment. im just tired. and in need of change. oh but drumroll...im terrified of change remember? its a vicious cycle that is on constant repeat.
but for now? im dreaming. BIG.
two simple words that might not seem like much, but they are spoken to me by a friend almost every night before i go to bed. one night when i was feeling down, she said these two words and they made a huge difference. if only those two words could retrieve as much meaning as they did then.
i know ive exhausted the-im graduating soon and scared to death-topic. but hey. whats one more entry right? today during my first class we had a discussion, and i, being shy, never say peep during class unless asked. ok, pretty much forced. but today? i couldnt even think of anything legitimate to add to the conversation. i felt---inadequate. i couldnt even come up with simple nursing answers? how am i ever going to be a nurse? and a good one at that. then later as im working on practice NCLEX questions in the library, the inadequacies continued to flaunt themselves and mock me. i could feel my stress level increasing by each.word.in.every.question.
im going to FAIL. of course that is my immediate, and yes i admit, irrational thought. failing is a possibility, but i cant start thinking that now! i rushed home and made a to-do list of all the work i need to get started on. anddd it didnt help. it possibly increased my stress level.
and to top it all off? graduation is less than a mere 100 days from now. of course it sounds like a lot to those who have no deadline steadily approaching. i havent applied for a job yet. i havent decided where i want to move. that decision is slowing making progress but emphasis on the slowly. i feel like im swimming and constantly trying to keep my head above water, but its getting harder to see the other side and im getting tired. im tired of not knowing what i want to do. im tired of being scared of making an actual decision that-oh my-might change my life for the better. im tired of spending a majority of my last semester in college alone in my apartment. im just tired. and in need of change. oh but drumroll...im terrified of change remember? its a vicious cycle that is on constant repeat.
but for now? im dreaming. BIG.
posted by we're all a little weird @ 12:06 AM
1 Comments:
At February 6, 2008 at 8:44 AM ,
Lpeg said...
Dream big. I wish I could help you in this journey, but it's something we all have to go through. You'll figure out what you want to do with your life, and you will make the best choice, for yourself, at that particular time. Don't worry so much about it. It's life. Worse case scenario - you don't like it - you can change. I know you hate change, but sometimes it's for the best. But I have faith in you that you will make the best decision for YOU. Figure out what YOU want and chase it. Don't listen to anyone else. What do YOU want? And go from there.
Dream Big hun. Life's too short for anything else.
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